Jewish Light Online

It is not written law and it is not oral law, but there seems to be a buzz in the air of Hebrew Union College - Jewish Institute of Religion (HUC-JIR) in New York that some administrators see difficulties in students' becoming couples. The message did not reach Michael and Amy. They met on the first day of their first year of rabbinical school.

Students from HUC-JIR spend their freshman year studying in Jerusalem. The class of 2005 spent their first evening together at Rungsit, a kosher Thai and Japanese restaurant. When Amy Feder, 22, walked into the room, there was just one seat available, so she sat down next to Michael Alper, 26. From that first moment, Michael felt love-struck. It took Amy another 24 hours. She recalls very well just when she knew: "Michael had gone for prayers to The Kotel (the Western Wall). When he returned, he was radiating! It was like he was on fire! There was so much energy there. I looked at him, and I knew I had never met anyone quite like him, and I wanted to know more and more about what made him so special."

Michael and Amy shared many interests, in particular a love of music. Michael is an avid fan of funk, folk, jazz, hip-hop, rap, and soul, and Amy is a trained musician and music teacher. "But never in a million years did I think I would marry a rabbi," says Amy. "And I had never been interested in anyone who had freckles." And, last but not least, she had never felt that she had much in common with New Yorkers.

For a person who travels with a lot of do's and don'ts, Amy shares the following don't: "When you are dating to marry, don't have a picture you are trying to fit." You can be wrong about so much. For one thing, she learned, Michael wasn't exactly a New Yorker. He had taught school there and had other jobs, but he was born in Los Angeles.

Amy also suggests the following attitude: "You have got be open to change. I had been what you might call a serial dater. And sometime before arriving in Israel, I had decided that I needed some down time. But meeting Michael changed that. And I was open to change. We became a couple; became engaged at the end of our third year of HUC and married at the end of our fourth year. Actually all of the female students in my rabbinical class, who got married while in school, married other rabbinical students."

Coincidentally, Michael and Amy are following in the footsteps of Susan Talve and Jim Goodman, who also met in Jerusalem on their first day of rabbinical school and later married. Today Jim is Rabbi James Goodman of Congregation Neve Shalom in St. Louis, and Susan is Rabbi Susan Talve of the Central Reform Congregation in St. Louis (CRC).

According to Rabbi Talve, "It's both challenging and a blessing being a clergy couple." To their relief, Jim and Susan are not long-distance spouses, as both have rewarding jobs in the St. Louis area.

Amy and Michael hoped to avoid a commuter marriage and were both offered jobs in Amy's native St. Louis area. Amy Feder, who became a bat mitzvah and was confirmed at Temple Israel, is now the temple's assistant rabbi, and Michael is Rabbi Michael Alper, the interim director of education at CRC, where he works with Rabbi Talve.

At CRC, there is a Rosh Hashanah custom of having couples who married the previous year bake honey cake for people looking for their beshert (intended). Rabbi Talve says that finding ways for people to find their soul mates is "one of the great blessings of our work."

Amy and Michael feel blessed that they found each other. Their wedding was on May 29, 2005. Mazal Tov!