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Satire for Purim: APA to include SMID in list of mental disorders

Editor’s note: This teen page story is intended solely as parody in the spirit of Purim and should not be taken as fact.

This week, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) announced that it is officially recognizing Social Media Isolation Disorder (SMID) in its list of mental disorders. 

Physicians have noticed a rapid increase in those diagnosed with SMID over the last five years. In 2013, there were 1,200 reported cases of SMID, but that number has increased to 1.5 million people diagnosed in 2018. Ninety percent of those affected have been under the age of 25 when diagnosed.

“We can’t ignore SMID any longer,” said Jane Shrink, APA President. “This disease has become an epidemic. My colleagues and I hope that our recognition of SMID can spread awareness as the medical community works towards a solution.”

Medical researchers have already made large strides in understanding SMID and its effects on younger generations. In March, a team of researchers published a report that pinpointed the cause of the disorder: an obsession with one’s social media profile that creates a fear of face-to-face socialization.

In a press conference Tuesday, the APA listed fear of leaving the house, visual impairment and absence of social skills as the three most common symptoms of SMID. Patient Emma Narcissus often complained of a sore neck and depression before being diagnosed with SMID in November. 

“It’s like my sole purpose for leaving the house was to post it on my Instagram or add it to my Snapchat story,” Narcissus said. “I cared so much about how my social media presence appeared to others that my self-care declined and my real friendships disappeared.”

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg declined to comment.